This morning we woke up to some terribly sad news – 12 year old girl from Madrid dies from alcohol poisoning (thinkspain.com)… A tragic story of experimentation gone horribly wrong, but unfortunately one that is all too familiar.
The Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, which studies alcoholism and drug dependency and offers various avenues of rehabilitation and recovery education, says that alcohol experimentation, and the possible resulting alcohol dependency, is becoming more and more prevalent in children as young as 10 years old. They also point out that children that start experimenting with alcohol early on show a greater risk of experimenting with other, more serious substances.
Experimentation during adolescence is normal – i know i did a few things that i regret now that i’m older (and wiser) – but there are a few things that we as parents can do to keep our family safe. They say that the number 1 reason that children don’t smoke or do drugs is because of fear of disappointing their parents. By setting clear expectations and limits, you can be an extremely powerful influence.
1. Set a good example – Adults drinking is a totally different thing to children doing it, but the truth is, kids emulate what they see their parents doing. Drink responsibly, don’t drink and drive and make sure that medication, especially prescription medication, is used and stored safely.
2. Talk, talk, talk! – Discuss the risks and consequences of alcohol and other drugs. Be consistent, have a gameplan, and make your conversations age-appropriate, but take hold of any teachable moment and give your child the information they need to be able to make a responsible, informed decision should they find themselves in a situation where alcohol (or other drugs) are on offer.https://sancavaaltriangle.wordpress.com/for-parents/
3. Foster an environment of trust – One way to build (two-way) trust with your child is to have clear and consistent rules. Be clear with your expectations, and discuss your reasons for the rules with them. Tell them that drinking is not okay because
- it’s against the law
- a child’s brain is still developing and alcohol and other substances can damage the brain’s ability to learn, can affect their memory and can permanently damage many other aspects of the brain.
- alcohol changes our perceptions, and can cause us to act, or react, in a way that we normally wouldn’t, increasing the chance of risky behavior such as unprotected sex (yes – i don’t want to think about it either, but…), getting into a physical fight with someone, drink driving or experimenting with stronger, even more dangerous drugs.
4. Establish rules and stick to them – Discuss the rules with your child while things are calm. There’s no point trying to plug a volcano in the midst of an eruption. If there are community or school rules relating to alcohol or other substances, help your child see the reasons for those rules, and try to uphold them in your household too.
5. Be involved – Kids are less likely to use alcohol (as either an escape or a way of getting attention) if they have a strong, active relationship with caring adults. Make a point of asking your child how their day was. Sara Goldstein from Parent.co has some fantastic ideas for new questions to throw in if the,
“So, my dear, how was your day?” is only getting a shrug or a, “The usual” in response.
6. Encourage your child – Be the support and encouragement that your child needs to work hard in school, and to follow their dreams. Children that have a strong work ethic and the willingness to try and try again, are going to feel proud of themselves – especially if you’re there on the side-lines cheering and clapping – are less likely to feel the need to search for acceptance in peers that might lead them astray. Encourage them to pursue extracurricular activities that boost their self-esteem or make them happy, and encourage your child to find ways to stay healthy, active and creative.
Alcohol use and abuse in teens and tweens is a scary topic. Not one that many parents want to think about. Unfortunately, it is a real problem, and we need to be aware it. If you are facing an alcohol or substance abuse situation, know that you do not need to face it alone. There are fantastic support groups and counseling services available worldwide.
Al-anon is a worldwide organisation that offers support to parents and loved ones of alcoholics and addicts of all ages. Check their website for contact details for your country.
Drinkwise offers support for families of people with alcohol dependency problems (Australia).
Family Drug Support for families facing drug and alcohol issues in Australia.
SAMHSA offers alcohol, drug and mental health related support for families based in America
SANCA if you’re based in South Africa and are looking for a support network.
Project Know for families in England looking for support and advice.
If you know someone with an alcohol or substance abuse problem, do not be afraid to seek help. This is one problem that does not just resolve itself!
Please, remember to share this extremely important message.