Our Cavemen Ancestors
The origins of the AUES can be traced back to the early Neanderthal days. Unfortunately, cavemen Engies were severely limited in what they could design by several factors. For example, the wheel was square, electricity was something to be avoided, and finally (and most importantly) no-one knew how to brew a good beer.
Although the introduction of wine boosted Engie’s abilities, there was still a certain spark of integrity lacking; beer.But as man evolved so too did the Engie Societies – until the advent of the Romans and the Greeks and their love of sharp pointy metal things and sticking them in people. Although the introduction of wine boosted Engie’s abilities, there was still a certain spark of integrity and stability lacking; beer. This lack of beer sadly resulted in the fall of the Roman Empire, as the beer drinking Gaul and Germanic tribes, aided by their superior beer drinking engineers decided to ‘shut the neighbours up’ once and for all by having a REALLY big barbeque.
The Rise in Asia and Europe
Around this period Engie Societies began to appear in what was to become known as Asia through evidence found in the great Engie scrolls. Apparently a wall-building event organised by the local Engie committee got a little out of control after a few too many beer. This epic struggle continued for many years with the wall getting longer and longer (which pays testament to the stubbornness of Engies) until our ancient brethren, the “Sciences”, discovered gunpowder, and the Engies came to realise it was much more fun to blow things up rather than to build them…as is still evident in our modern pub crawls!
This gave rise to huge feats of engineering; giant pubs made out of stone and surrounded by moats full of keg dregs. The reasoning for this is written by the sage Beerscullo in his writings, which state “ye any invader toppled into thy moat would consume too much libations (beer) and henceforth be rendered unable to continue fighting, standing, or talking…”. The first pub crawls also began to be organised in this period, and owing to the growing popularity of beer, were extremely large. These pub crawls became known as the Crusades, and tended to go long distances looking to quench their thirsts.
Things remained much the same until another major source of knowledge was discovered – spirits. The advent of spirits gave rise to a giant increase in learning, which became known as the Renaissance period. Modern wonders such as the alcohol powered car and locomotive were invented, and, with the lack of breath testers, filling up the jalopy took on a whole new meaning. Fortunately, a bright young engineer pointed out that precious alcohol was being wasted on machines that couldn’t really enjoy the taste or other effects, and so petroleum was used to power vehicles instead.
AUES Colonies sprout in Australia
The end of this period saw, in the little known colony of Australia, an initial rising of the AUES, which was temporarily stunted due to the first appearance of the great evil – Prohibition. This dastardly law was made by the evils known as ‘law and order’, to prevent the rise of the Great Society. Fortunately the population rose up in favour of the ‘good drop’ and threw down the great evil.
As the Society grew in power and influence, senior members of the AUES decided it was time to elect a president, via secret ballot. Unfortunately an ongoing argument between the Germans and the rest of the world about who brewed the best beer got out of hand and the Great War broke out, so the AUES election was postponed in favour of a barbeque – which seemed a more appropriate way to settle the argument.
The issue was finally settled by everyone getting hammered and throwing ‘empties’ at the Germans. But unfortunately the issue was to come up again several years later, when a little German brewer with his trademark moustache convinced some of his mates of the power of the dark side of beer – began World War II. Once again, the AUES came up with the excellent idea of resolving the conflict – another barbeque!
Such a bold display did not go unnoticed by the world leaders that were present, who, in turn used this cry to inspire allied troops to victory. It was also decided that such arguments should never happen again, so the political arm of the AUES, along with the enlightened boisterous chap as leader, became the United Nations, but only after the first choice “United Breweries” was abandoned.
In more recent times the AUES has continued to grow in power and influence. While we still undertake historical recreations of some our most prominent past events, such as the pub crawl (a recreation of the great wall building event is just a little too daunting), the AUES now prefers to keep a lower profile. But we continue to work behind the scenes, and few important decisions are made without first consulting the AUES. It is widely accepted that if peace comes to the Middle East, it will be due, in no small part, to the tireless workings of the AUES and its members.
And so it can be seen that from its humble beginnings millennia ago, when the society for engineers was a mere twinkle in the eye of our strange, yet prophetic, forefathers, the AUES has developed into a mighty organisation. While some may describe its operations as bizarre or even crazy, society in general has come to see the AUES as a symbol of all that life should be, as a beacon of hope guiding them away from the rocky shoals of their past to a brighter, more interesting future…