The Importance of Saying “No” – A blog post about being happier.
It’s an understatement to say modern life is busy. When elementary school students have just as busy schedules as their overworked parents and social calendars include every kind of celebration or milestone imaginable, there is precious little time to simply live. Truly living life to its fullest…not to the fullest day planner. It seems as if so much more is expected out of all of us but the energy and resources to keep going is in ever-limited supply.
If any of this sounds familiar, please know that you’re not alone. And there is help! But you’ll have to believe the help needs to come from yourself, not from the outside world. Another day or an extra pair of hands will not solve the root problem.
Help comes in the form of bravery. Bravery found deep down inside, from a place somewhere buried underneath good intentions and a sense of obligation. Your help and bravery is born from a combination of two little letters—“n” and “o”. Those two little letters are the key to a better work/life balance, a step towards family harmony and improved mental clarity. “No” is not a four letter word, though it is often treated as such.
That’s it? The key to all things is “NO”?
Well, not quite, but it is truly a place to start. The ability and confidence to say no is an important life skill rarely taught but often admired. Here’s a simplified example. If someone doesn’t allow themselves to say no to requests, they are quickly buried in projects or obligatory activities. That may lead them down the over-committed path, which leads to broken promises that eventually breed resentment and may culminate in damaged relationships. We all know people stuck in this vicious circle. The people and scenarios may wary widely but the patterns and repercussions are eerily similar. From the workaholic parent who chronically misses family time to the burned-out volunteers involved in every function under the sun, the ability to say no seems completely out of reach for some.
If you take away anything from this post, please know that sometimes, it is okay to say no. Many times, the word “no” simply needs to be implied!
Ways to say “no” without using the word:
When asked to volunteer:
- “I’d love to help out at our next school function, I’d be happy to assist with _____ specifically.
- “That plan sounds great, I’m available from 3 to 4:30 p.m. that day”.
- “I’m sorry, we are already booked during that time. But please be sure to ask about other dates or events”.
When asked to donate or purchase something:
- “I’m sorry, we already gave/purchased/donated to ________ organization. We truly believe in the mission of _______, thank you for asking and for your efforts!”
- “I’m going to pass this time but thank you kindly for the offer.”
- “I’d prefer to help _____ in ways other than financial donations, do you need volunteers or help with ______.”
When asked to work on additional projects:
- “Thank you for asking for my assistance. I fear my workload is at capacity at this time but I would like to help assist the organization in future projects.”
- “I’m honored that you asked, my skillset may not be best for this project but I might be able to help with ______.”
- “I’d really like to help the team but my focus is currently on ______. Could you ask me on the next one?”
A common thread in the above statements is the willingness to help where appropriate and to focus on positivity. “No” sounds like a negative term but when used within positive context, it can actually be quite appreciated. Throwing your efforts behind areas where you are well suited helps all involved parties.
The real goal is to learn how to balance the onslaught of requests with the time and resources available—both personally and professionally. Every person and situation is different—there are few direct comparisons, so focus on your life and what you can control versus what others are doing. A little advance planning can make future declinations easier. If you know work is going to be busy next month, it’s appropriate to say no to additional requests during that time frame.Above all, be realistic with yourself, set up boundaries in advance and commit to sticking to them.
In summary, learning to embrace saying no typically opens up many more possibilities than it closes—so go ahead, dig deep and find that bravery. You just may discover how happy you can really be when you’re willing to put yourself first for a change.
Did this article strike a chord? If yes, share your story below and help others overcome their fear of saying no.