In our day to day lives, we all interact with those whose words are insincere and whose motives, while not openly expressed, are all too clear. Nothing ever seems to rile them and their plastic face smiles at you while two edged compliments pass their lips. They say to you, “Have a nice day,” and you know that what they really mean is ‘Go play in a pit of vipers.’ So what makes fake people fake, what do they value, and how do we get through to them.
Fake people and their values
by Tessa Schlesinger. What makes people fake and how do you handle them?all meet fake people every day, yet fakeness is a mark of successful salesmanship and career mobility.
Fake people in a fake society
There have always been and will always be fake people. Briefly defined, they can be said to be people who not only don’t mean what they say but say things with a specific agenda. One encounters them in a variety of situations – sales, social, and the work place. It can be argued that it is the nature of society and the work place that makes people fake because if they were real, then they would lose their jobs and lose the good opinion of a society they wished to be part of.
But it’s more than that. These people are fake even when there are better ways of handling situations.
Essentially, they are fake because they have a contemptuous opinion of the people they are interacting with but they continue to interact because a) they want something from that person and/or b) they are forced to interact with them as a result of circumstances. So they might want to sell them something so the fake smile and the fake comments are there to convert a ‘no, thank you’ to a ‘yes, please.’ On the other hand, they might be in a social or work situation where politeness is required, but, instead, they pretend a friendliness that is so inappropriate that it can only be fake.
The values of fake people
Fake people have no values
People who tend to be fake in their interactions with others tend not to value interactions with the people they come into contact with. They very often money and status and their interactions with others are only intended to acquire those two items. So if someone cannot bring them either of what they want, the fake persona comes into play. Fake people value being on top socially which is why they like to belittle others, no matter how subtlely.
Are fake people ever sincere?
Some are; some aren’t. However, sincerity is relative. They can be relatively more sincere to some than others. If someone fits into their perceived model of ‘acceptable,’ then they will be sincere to those people. If those people were to lose their ‘acceptability,’ then they would move on. Yet, could this be considered insincere? Even with sincere people, people grow apart as a result of changing values.
How to handle fake people
Fake people want something from you
The best way to handle fake people is simply to keep the conversation short and move off immediately. Don’t even try to win. If the fake person cannot get anything from you, they may try to belittle you in subtle ways. Sales people who are trying to sell you something, on the other hand, will flatter you in every conceivable way. They’ve been taught that they will never sell the product unless they sell themselves. So they try to get you to like them, and they do that by flattering you in a thousand different ways. You’ll also notice that fake people can never really answer a question. They will sidestep and leave you seething with frustration. They don’t want to help you. They don’t want to give you any real information. They just want what they want and then they want to move on.
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The rise of the fake generations
Too many fake people
While there will always be fake people, they tend to flourish in a society where the rewards are often not accrued through being genuine. For instance, in days gone by, sales people would sell based on their product knowledge and a genuine need of the client. However, in days where consumerism is fast becoming outmoded and where there is intense pressure to sell to every single person, salesmen are pressurized to sell to every person they meet, regardless of whether it is appropriate or not. Those who have not learnt any ethics (in short supply these days) tend to be very successful (if fake) while those who cannot stomach the sales industry move out of it. In the same way, social climbing has become a highly desirable goal. Those who are ‘acceptable’ use particular words that are unknown to those who have not interacted with the class above them, and without doing anything wrong, are immediately rejected as not someone worth knowing. They may also hold a purse in the wrong way, use incorrect grammar, not know the ‘right’ people, have the wrong politics, or simply not be attractive enough. All these things are ample reason for the social climber (and fake person) to be fake, i.e. polite or friendly while moving on as rapidly as possible.
The real person
Niceness and sincerity are often compatible, but sometimes not. Truth isn’t always nicely packages. The real person is kind as opposed to nice. The old idiom is ‘Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.’ So the person who tells you that you’re a bit overweight for the dress you’re wearing or that you can’t write or that you need to brush your teeth may not be being catty. They may simply be trying to steer you in a more profitable direction. The real person answers questions factually and quickly. The real person sticks around in trouble and likes you even when you have a glaring fault or two. They make allowances for humanity, and they have your good in mind when they make a decision. Real people are worth seeking out despite the fact that in a fake society, it works to be fake.