Anger – warning or habit?
When we are in love we see everything through rose-coloured glasses… but when we are ‘in anger’ we see the world through the eyes of red-hot glasses!
We often find ourselves reacting to life events in anger – even before we know why… We can blow up at someone before we can stop ourselves… we find ourselves yelling at the driver who doesn’t accelerate from the lights fast enough…. we can get angry at ourselves because we have forgotten that meeting… we find ourselves yelling at the tv when we listen to the news… we feel angry when we see injustice, unfairness or corruption…
Without being conscious of it, our present is always perceived through the lens of our past – our past experiences, emotions and beliefs – always shaping how our body reacts, how our mind reacts, how we are in the world. It is not until we become aware of what drives our need to be angry, what our sub-conscious messaging is, do we even know there is another choice in how we react, how we can be.
All emotions serve a purpose – they tell us when we are safe or warn us when we are in danger!
Anger in and of itself isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion, for it is simply a warning signal – of danger, of threat or of the need to protect.
In our modern world the danger we face is rarely the lion about to eat us or the enemy tribe attacking us, but we are so wired to stay safe that we see danger everywhere – when we run late for the bus, when our workmate looks at us a certain way, when the kids don’t do what we say, when the person sitting next to us looks different…. when… when…
What is about these scenarios that create such havoc in our nervous system? Create such intense anger that we have no idea what just happened? What lies behind our reaction to the look, the lateness, the lack of control, the uncertainty? It may be our own past experiences of unmet expectations (often our own), it may be embarrassment or shame, it may be rejection or unfair judgment…
When we experience any of these feelings, we are often covering our vulnerability with anger – so that we don’t feel, seem or act within our scary vulnerability.
Anger, when acting as a cover for other unwanted emotions, will taint us – taint our present, our past and our future. We will see every interaction, remember every memory, and feel every bodily movement through the unhelpful hues of anger. Nothing will be perceived as it really is – love, humour, a reaching out, an act of forgiveness or a protective stance…,
When that which we fear the most comes too close, maybe nudges us or slaps us, our immediate reaction may be anger – “get away from me”! What we fear most may be an emotion, a feeling of rejection, of shame, of guilt….
It is our own desire to run from or escape from that which we are most fearful of feeling, or abhor within ourselves – we may need to find the courage to accept our own failings, fears and the shadow aspects of our own nature – to allow anger to be released from our hearts.
We may want revenge, or justice or more time – but when these are outside our reach, what is left for us? A body filled with darkness and rage!
The only thing that can be left – the true emotion we feel – deep ad abiding sadness, worthlessness or hopelessness… Sometimes these can be so powerful, feel so dark that we need professional help to support and guide us through the maize , to reach the other side of our heart.
Anger, when held in, when revered and loved, will do nothing but create illness, create a present tainted and a future where nothing feels right.
Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.Aristotle.
I’ve had periods in my life where my anger shone,
I’ve had days when anger held fast,
I’ve had thoughts where anger sprouts and grows into an old oak tree…
I see now that anger taints, blackens and hardens my heart. I also know my heart will only receive what it is prepared to give out.
A blackened heart can only receive cloudy love,
A tainted heart can only receive dirty love,
A hardened heart can only receive tiny love…
It is time to see through new lenses – with courage and clarity… let go of your anger, stand with open arms, and an open heart.
Now is the time to sit quietly, to reflect, to imagine a new way of being!
Can you imagine a life without being held in anger?
Sit quietly, breathe deeply and imagine how different you will be, how different your life will be, how different your relationships will be…
Be courageous, be vulnerable, be free!
Reflect, imagine, and create the new hue that you gaze at life through!
If you wold like help and guidance to discover how to live your life with a calm heart, to allow your deepest fears to become your greatest teachers or to let go of what is creating such angst in your body – contact me or make an appointment….