Here are some common facts about grief and how it can affect someone.
- Grieving is more intense when the loss seems unusual for the stage of life we are in—and when the person who has died is very significant
- It can become hard to relate to friends because they are less likely to have experienced the same kind of loss at that point in their lives
- Grieving is a natural response to other losses as well—the end of a relationship, moving to a new community, the loss of a pet, a life-threatening illness, or the loss of a much anticipated opportunity
- College is a difficult environment to experience loss; some students may choose to distract themselves with activities to avoid experiencing the unwanted emotions associated with grief
- It is normal to experience a range of emotions in response to loss
- Grieving can free up energy that is associated with that person, object, or experience; until people grieve, they may be unable to redirect that energy elsewhere, as a part of them is still tied to the past
- Grieving is not the same as forgetting or drowning in tears; it allows a person to remember the loss peacefully
Factors that may hinder the healing process include avoidance or minimization of one’s emotions, turning to alcohol or drugs to self-medicate, and immersing one’s self in work to avoid feelings.
The grieving process usually consists of five stages, though not everyone experiences them all.
- Denial, numbness, and shock. Protects the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss.
- Bargaining. Involves reflecting about what could have been done to prevent the loss, preoccupation with ways that things could have been better, and imagining all the things that will never be.
- Depression. May follow after recognizing the true extent of the loss; some individuals may experience symptoms such as sleep and appetite disturbance, crying spells, feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, and self-pity.
- Anger. Occurs when an individual feels helpless and powerless, and results from feeling abandoned.
- Acceptance. Comes with time; healing occurs when the loss becomes integrated into the individual’s life experiences. There is a return to earlier feelings throughout one’s lifetime.