After the emotion of the midterm elections, the Senate hearing to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court seems like a lifetime ago. While some people may want to forget the accusations of sexual assault against the justice, we can’t let the frenetic pace of news distract us from the #MeToo movement.
If we want to reduce the alarming rates of sexual assault in our society, we must take steps to talk specifically to our male youth about consent, prevention and respect. A recent proposal by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos regarding sexual assault on college campuses accelerates the urgency; her proposal narrows the definition of sexual assault and limits when colleges must respond to an incident.
Statistics show that the vast majority of sexual assault crimes are committed by men against women. The rate of false accusations is low, between 2 percent and 10 percent, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Nearly two-thirds of assaults go unreported, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. This means we must focus our attention on educating men. While it’s important for women to feel empowered, and while self-defense trainings may be beneficial, the responsibility for a crime falls on the perpetrator, not the victim.
As a professor who studies men and masculinity, I offer several suggestions for addressing sexual assault with our boys and young men:
Discuss consent early and often. Boys need to learn to have honest conversations with future partners about mutual consent. Just because someone consents to kissing does not mean the person consents to further sexual behavior. Consent also gets complicated when one or both partners are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We can’t assume children or teenagers know these concepts. They must be taught.
Parents play a role, but so should the schools. Policymakers must allow teachers to address consent in health or sex education classes. Girls also can benefit from a better understanding of what constitutes sexual assault. The myth, for example, still persists that a wife cannot be raped by her husband.
Respect and humanize women. Research shows that boys at an early age objectify women or see them only as sexual beings or body parts. One of the first steps in hurting someone is dehumanizing them. Encourage boys to have friends who are girls. Talking to boys about seeing girls as peers, sisters, mothers, role models, athletes, CEOs and people just like them is an important conversation.
Teach boys to address the inappropriate behavior of their friends or classmates. This is perhaps the most important lesson. Research shows that intervention by a bystander to stop or prevent a sexual assault is effective, but most people stay quiet.
Let’s raise our boys to feel responsible for stopping their peers from abusing women and standing up to the “locker room” talk that supports these behaviors.
Encourage men to advocate for policy changes that support women. Men, for example, should be protesting DeVos’ proposed changes to the Title IX rules that apply to college sexual assault cases.
To be sure, the process must be fair for both parties. Yet we cannot make it harder for survivors to get the justice they deserve. Men are more likely to know and care about victims than to be falsely accused.
Allowing the accused to cross-examine their accuser, even through a lawyer or other third party, will discourage survivors from coming forward. And for those who do find the courage, they could be revictimized during the questioning.
By teaching our boys important lessons early, we can encourage happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships that stay out the headlines.
Schwartz, Ph.D., is a counseling psychology professor and associate dean of graduate studies at the University of Houston College of Education.