Nothing is more emotionally draining or stressful than a full-blown argument with a coworker. Anger increases blood pressure, heart rate and disrupts our natural bodily functions. Ideally, everything would run smoothly in the workplace, with each individual feeling satisfied. However, this end is simply not feasible 100 percent of the time. Whether it's an angry coworker, an aggressive subordinate or an unruly customer, learning how to avoid conflict is a valuable tool.
Understand the underlying reasons for conflict in the workplace. Emotion often gets in the way of sensible resolutions. People may feel angry at unreasonable situations, which leads to stress and explosions. If they have unresolved anger issues, they may avoid conflict until resentment boils over. Individuals lacking confidence act out constantly in their attempts to always be right or get the one-up. In some cases, greed leads people to focus on their own needs and go to any means necessary to get what they want. Jealousy, anxiety and insecurity also lead to conflict in the workplace.
Be realistic in your goals. The closer the relationships and the more opportunities there are for conflict, the more trivial complaints become significant ones and the more intense the feelings. Some conflict in the workplace is inevitable, so it's important that you learn how to minimize conflict. Understand that sources of satisfaction or conflict include: love, status, service, information, goods, money and shared time. Seek to balance these factors as best you can to avoid conflict.
Assess your attitude to see if you are programmed to avoid conflict. You need to believe the following: A mutually acceptable solution is possible. A mutually acceptable solution is desirable. Cooperation is better than competition. Everyone is of equal value. Other people have legitimate views too. Differences in opinion can be helpful. Coworkers are trustworthy. The other party can compete, but will choose to cooperate.
De-escalate your peers' anger. Conflict doesn't come out of nowhere. Often it begins with an angry comment. Over time, the perception that a person's feelings are ignored or devalued leads to explosive conflict. Keep attune to what's going on around you. If someone is angry, respond compassionately by acknowledging their feelings and finding points of agreement. If the anger is directed at you, a sincere apology is always disarming.
Arrange a mediation session. If conflict seems inevitable and tensions run high, scheduling a mediation with an impartial third party is the best way to avoid future conflicts. The mediator will set the tone by providing a brief introduction and deciding upon the goals for the session. Each party will then tell their side of the story, being careful to avoid blame. The mediator will attempt to define and restate the problem to better articulate the source of aggravation. Both parties will be asked for solutions and a satisfactory agreement will be reached by all.
Assess your communication style. If you find yourself always embroiled in conflict with others, the problem may be what you're saying or how you're saying it. Avoid person-centered statements that begin with "You never," "You always" or "I hate it when you." Keep your comments focused on the present moment, rather than rehashing the past. Avoid manipulative attempts to make the other person feel guilty or asset blame. Steer clear of making unsolicited advice or lengthy attempts to persuade someone. Never use language that incites anger, such as swear words, racially insensitive lingo or terse phrases that include "whatever."
- It's always best to express your feelings, as long as you do it in an appropriate way.
- If emotions are running high, it's best to take a timeout.
- Approach conversations with empathy and the need to seek common ground.
- Ask for solutions rather than complaining or blaming.
- Avoidance tactics can lead to resentment or later explosions.
- Ignoring the problem will make future conflicts even worse.
- Responding to anger with anger often leads to violence.
- Blame, guilt and accusations have no place in proper workplace communication.
- Three violent business men image by Ricardo Verde Costa from Fotolia.com