Turn in your Review #1 to Canvas by 11:00 pm.
Plan for the Day
- Turn in REVIEW #1 on Canvas–DUE Tonight by 11:00 pm
- Chapter 3: Our Versatile Verbs
- Active vs Passive Voice
- Show; Don’t Tell
- Homework #2 AND Quiz #1–Next Week
Heads Up for Next Week
The next chapter you’ll be reading in Kolln & Gray is VERY important. One marker of the difference between mediocre writers and advanced writers is using compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences appropriately. Your Quiz #1 for next week will cover punctuation rules based on that chapter, so read carefully. By the way, Barrett has a chapter on punctuation that we’ll read later in the semester, but it covers many punctuation rules, so that chapter won’t be as beneficial for next week’s quiz.
Your Homework #1 discussion on Canvas, so log on and scroll to the bottom of the page. I graded your homework, but you need to go to that Canvas discussion for more explanation on the correct answers. Before reviewing that assignment, I want to make sure we’re all on the same page when it comes to be verbs. Here they are:
- being, been–which are participles but clue you into what a sentence’s verb is.
Know these before moving onto Ch. 3 because future editing (especially prose revisions) will require you to understand the difference between be-verbs and action verbs.
Chapter 3: Our Versatile Verbs
Re-read this chapter. If you’re still having trouble with be verbs, linking verbs, intransitive verbs, and transitive verbs, review Ch. 2. Make sure you’re reading. This webpage will focus on limiting to be verbs and using action verbs for stronger sentences–active voice.
As an aside, one aspect of our writing that confuses readers is tense switching. Unlike misspelled words or subject-verb agreement that both get caught by spelling/grammar checkers, switching verb tenses often doesn’t receive a squiggle in MS Word, so it’s important to keep our tenses straight. Remember that consistency is key! Check out p. 38 in Kolln & Gray for more information.
Auxiliary Verbs (aka Helping Verbs)
I don’t want to risk being too abstract by discussing these verbs out of context, but it’s important to recognize a full verb–all the words that make it up–in a sentence. You might be asked to identify the full verbs in sentences on future quizzes or exams. Ch. 3 further parses auxiliary verbs into Do-support and Modal Auxiliaries. I’m less concerned that you can label the types of auxiliaries, but I want you to recognize that auxiliary verbs are part of the FULL verb in a sentence.
Notice the full verbs (bolded) in the sentences below:
- The crew did not film at night.
- The crew = Subject, did film = verb, at night = prepositional phrase (functioning as an adverbial phrase)
- Notice “not” isn’t part of the FULL verb. Let me mention that one more time because it’ll be important for future quizzes and exams:
- “Not” isn’t part of the full verb.
- Citizens who actually care about their futures must vote.
- Citizens = Subject, must vote = verb, care = verb
- We’ll get into relative clauses (that, which, who) in Ch. 6 of Kolln & Gray, but, for now, recognize that care still acts as a verb even though it isn’t the main verb of this sentence.
- Also, must vote and care are two separate verbs; identifying must vote care as THE verb is incorrect.
- You might be asked to identify the full verbs.
- You = Subject, might be asked = verb, to identify the full verbs = Direct Object
- Please note: “to identify” is an infinitive verb, but doesn’t carry any tense, so it isn’t considered a verb. Although “to” is often a preposition, in this case, it’s a verb particle (more on that later).
- I will ask you to identify the full verbs.
- This makes the previous sentence active. In the original, the agent (the person doing the asking) is hidden.
- I = Subject, will ask = Verb, you = indirect object, to identify the full verbs = direct object
- Alison was watching a Netflix documentary.
- Alison = Subject, was watching = verb, a Netflix documentary = direct object
Active vs Passive Voice
The first bit of confusion I want to clear up is that passive isn’t synonymous with past tense. We can have both past and present tense passive voice sentences. A passive voice sentence moves the agent out of the subject position and often turns a direct object into the subject. Although there are times when agent-less sentences are appropriate and conform to organizational or disciplinary conventions, I want you to be aware of how passive voice can be unethical and how active voice can improve sentence clarity. If you remove the agent from a sentence–the person doing the action–you need to ask why. Are you intentionally hiding someone (including yourself) to obfuscate the sentence?
Your future Prose Revision assignment (DUE 03/31) has the goal of eliminating excess verbiage (words) from prose selections. As an overview, I have some guidelines below:
- Use Active Voice
- Limit Prepositional Phrases
- Get to the Point
- Limit to be Verb Forms
- Avoid Nominalizations
This Missing Agent
Passive voice becomes unethical when writers deliberately hide important information, specifically the agent. Consider these gems of passive voice:
- Taxes were raised. (by whom?)
- The car was damaged. (by whom?)
- Mistakes were made. (by whom?)
Don’t assume all agent-less prose is unethical. High-level scientific discourse often uses passive voice to focus on a test, technique, or procedure as opposed to an individual. Scientists believe passive voice appears more objective. Consider the following sentences that could appear in scientific journals:
- Penicillin was applied to the petri dish.
- A dose of 50 mL of penicillin was given to the patient.
Notice how the agent–most likely the author or technicians the author supervised–is missing. You can ask “by whom?” for both. I don’t agree with this on a philosophical level, but scientists strongly believe such a prose style conveys an objective ethos. Remember, you write according to your audience’s expectations.
Re-Read Ch. 3
Before moving on, make sure you re-read Ch. 3 and do Exercises #9 & #10 on your own. Trust me on this: it will help. Below, I’m going to discuss a few examples, so having finished the exercises will make the rest of these notes more instructive.
Exercise #9 on p. 41
Let’s do Exercise #9 B & C on p. 41. Besides following the directions, identify agent, subject, and direct object for each sentence. I have answers for the even ones below.
B. Change Passive to Active
- 2. Charles Babbage is considered a pioneer of computer science.
- Subject: Charles Babbage–but he’s not actually doing anything.
- Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the considering.
- Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 2
- 4. The Noble Prize was awarded to Francis Crick and James Watson for producing the double-helix model.
- Subject: The Nobel Prize–but it’s not actually doing anything.
- Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the awarding, but, in this case, that isn’t as important for the way we commonly phrase awards. (*see below)
- Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 4; also, remember that prepositional phrases aren’t direct objects, but we’ll have one in our revision.
- 2. Many consider Charles Babbage a pioneer of computer science.
- Subject: Many–but we could use a “scholars” or “historians” to be more accurate.
- Agent: Many–so we have the agent in the subject position; these “many” are doing the considering.
- Direct Object: Charles Babbage–review Sentence Pattern 7
- Object Complement: a pioneer of computer science–this is a noun phrase with the same referent as the direct object (see Kolln & Gray p. 23)
- 4. Francis Crick and James Watson won The Noble Prize (in Physiology or Medicine) for producing the double-helix model.
- Subjects: Francis Crick and James Watson–they are the ones doing the winning. This is a compound subject.
- Agents: Francis Crick and James Watson–again, we have the agents in the subject position; Crick and Watson are doing the winning.
- Direct Object: The Noble Prize–review Sentence Pattern 5.
* Although claiming “So-and-so was awarded the Nobel Prize in…” is passive, we frequently use such language. Technically, the sentence hides the agent (The Nobel Prize Committee), so we’d have to write “The Nobel Prize Committee awarded so-and-so the Nobel Prize in…” to make it active, but we can stick with the passive voice for such well-known awards. It actually seems less efficient to repeat “Nobel Prize” in the sentence. Although this is completely un-related to rhetorical grammar, the story about the 1962 Nobel Prize for discovering the structure of the double-helix is a much longer discussion. Not only did Maurice Wilkins share the prize, but Rosalind Franklin, who died in 1958, has a big claim to the prize, and the history of her work is full accounts of her being discriminated by the predominantly male scientists with whom she worked.
C. Determine Passive or Active and Change to Active
Both are passive voice sentences…
- 2. Mary Anderson was given a patent for windshield wipers in 1903.
- Subject: Mary Anderson–but she’s not actually doing anything.
- Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who gave her the patent?
- Direct Object: a patent–review Sentence Pattern 5
- 4. James Naismith is remembered as the inventor of basketball.
- Subject: James Naismith–but he’s not actually doing anything. He’s being remembered but by whom?
- Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the remembering.
- Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 4
- 2. The United States Patent Office gave Mary Anderson a patent for windshield wipers in 1903.
- Subject: the United States Patent Office–that entity actually grants patents to inventors.
- Agent: the United States Patent Office–they do the giving.
- Direct Object: a patent–review Sentence Pattern 6
- Indirect Object: Mary Anderson–the receiver of the direct object.
- 4. Historians remember James Naismith as the inventor of basketball.
- Subject: Historians–however, you could have “we” or “sports historians”; you just need someone to do the remembering.
- Agent: Historians–we have the agent in the subject position; The “historians” are remembering.
- Direct Object: James Naismith–review Sentence Pattern 5.
Show; Don’t Tell
Although this is technically in the section before, Exercise #10 is a lesson on showing. Those of you who had me for ENGL 2116 “Introduction to Technical Communication” remember I asked you to show and not tell in your résumés and cover letters. The following statements tell the audience what you do, but they really don’t show your duties.
- I am a team player.
- I am punctual.
- I am a self-started who gets the job done.
You might as well be claiming “I am good” or “I want this job.” None of those above sentences show you’re the ideal candidate for a position. They are too generic and aren’t even good for introducing yourself. Notice that all the sentences use be verbs, which aren’t the most descriptive verbs available. Consider these revisions:
- As the simulation project manager for our 2019 release of League of Legends at Riot Games, I coordinated various development teams (programmers, directors, and actors) to ensure our release was on time and under budget.
I arrive to work promptly when required. I wake myself up and work without supervision on required tasks.
The 2nd and 3rd sentences above, while better than the originals because they use more descriptive verbs, are ridiculous statements. An organization expects you’ll be punctual and able to work without supervision. Mentioning those attributes raises red flags and would make a hiring manager ask, “why would they include such a statement?” Your insistence that you’re punctual and a self-starter makes readers think the opposite. After all, if you have to bring those up, you’re setting a low bar…
Exercise #10 on p. 44
Of course, you should be doing all of these exercises regardless of whether we go over them on the course website. If you have questions, you can e-mail me, and, if the question requires a very detailed answer, we can meet via Zoom or Webex. Read the paragraph in Exercise #10 on p. 44. Always read the entire paragraph before jumping right to editing. You need to get a sense of what the paragraph is trying to communicate. You want to make this paragraph active, so do your best to get rid of the passive voice constructions. Also, in real life, you don’t have to aim to eliminate all be verbs–they exist for a reason. But you should limit them in your prose. One strategy is to search for be verbs and ask if a better action verb could be used in place of am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been. I’ve bolded the passive voice constructions.
- The woods in the morning seemed both peaceful and lively. Birds could be heard in the pines and oaks, staking out their territory. Squirrels could be seen scampering across the leaves that covered the forest floor, while in the branches above, the new leaves of the birches and maples were outlined by the sun’s rays. The leaves, too, could be heard, rustling to the rhythm of the wind.
- The first sentence is fine. Notice the subject (the woods) and verb (seemed).
- The second sentence is passive and hides the agent: who’s doing the hearing? You could change this to “We heard the birds…,” but, if you must avoid 1st person (I or we), make the birds active.
- The third sentence is also passive and has two parts that are passive:
- Squirrels could be seen scampering across the leaves that covered the forest floor,
- while in the branches above, the new leaves of the birches and maples were outlined by the sun’s rays.
- Although it is longer and uses more modifying phrases, you can revise it like the previous sentence by making the squirrels the agent. Currently, the agent is hidden (notice this is a passive voice sentence…the agent is hidden by whom?).
- For the second part of the sentence, “the sun’s rays” is the object of the preposition but the appropriate agent, so put it in the subject position.
- I would actually use a semicolon (;) instead of a comma after “floor;”–but we’ll deal with that discussion another time.
- Squirrels could be seen scampering across the leaves that covered the forest floor,
- Finally, the forth sentence is passive and hides who’s doing the hearing.
- Although you could write, “I could hear the rustling to the rhythm of the wind,” let’s assume we can’t use first person.
Consider this revision:
- The woods in the morning seemed both peaceful and lively. Birds in the pines and oaks staked out their territory through their songs. Squirrels scampered across the leaves that covered the forest floor, while in the branches above, the sun’s rays outlined the new leaves of the birches and maples. The leaves, too, rustled to the rhythm of the wind.
The revision is only six (6) fewer words than the original, but it still reads more efficiently. Using active voice sentences and limiting be verbs will make you prose more efficient. That’s a major goal for technical communication overall.
Turn in your Review #1 to Canvas by 11:00 pm.
Keep up with the reading. We’ll be onto Koln & Gray Ch. 4–VERY IMPORTANT–and Barrett’s Ch. 7 & 8. You’ll also have Homework #2 , based on Ch. 4’s Exercises (11, 12, 13, and 14), and Quiz #1 next week that’ll be due by Wednesday, 02/24, at 11:00 pm. Both of these will be on Canvas.