In-depth post #4 (week six and seven)
A good listener respects the speaker, pays attention, is genuinely interested, and values what is heard. At the beginning of your in-depth project, you probably spend more time listening than speaking with your mentor. Make sure you are patient and do not interrupt the speaker. De Bono states, “If you listen carefully and attentively you will get more value from listening than talking” (p. 67). Listening gives you new ideas, new information, new facts, new insights and new discoveries. When listening, take notice of the vocabulary being used, repeat or paraphrase part of the conversation, ask questions (more about this later), or ask for more details. According to de Bono, there are two foci: what is the speaker trying to tell you and what are you hearing and is it relevant to what the speaker is trying to say? For example, listen to the argument as well as the content of the argument.
Try to address some of the following possibilities during your next visit with your mentor:
- #4 What new information are you getting and what questions did you ask to probe further into the topic?
- #5 Discuss any new points of view you developed while in conversation with your mentor.
- #6 What were some of the alternative perceptions that are new to you.
- #9 How do your mentor values differ from yours?
- #12 What questions did you ask to check on facts and details? Elaborate.
In addition to how to listen, it is also important to ask questions to generate interaction. De Bono states, “A question is simply a way of directing attention” (p. 81). Are you able to distinguish between shooting and fishing questions? Which type do you tend to use most of the time? Why? Questions allow you, for example, to check on the source and the validity of the information being shared, ask for more details, ask for an explanation, offer alternatives and possibilities, modify the proposition form the speaker, state multiple choice options and clarify values. Asking about the basis of someone’s thinking, someone’s feelings, someone’s decisions, or someone’s proposal will clarify the conversation.
Try the following during the next session with your mentor:
- #1 Ask questions. Record them. Why did you ask these questions?
- #8 Ask for an explanation for a certain skill you are learning. Discuss what happened.
- #11 Ask a multiple choice question. Was this useful? Explain.
- #12 Ask the speaker to clarify his or her underlying values for doing, thinking and feeling the way they do.
Keep the interest level high.
Quirien Mulder ten Kate