Now, the thing you have to remember is that the Treaty of Union is a bipartite contract where Scotland and England were united in the pursuit of common sociopolitical and constitutional goals. It was the inexorable coming together of equal, if differently weighted, national forces to combine in the formation of a single unified entity, an entity that would symbiotically blend in every way, shape and form, apart from football. Bold ambitions indeed, and ambitions that seem to have failed; in the current political climate, it feels more like an acquisition than a merger.
Maybe it is time to call it a day, to demerge and reacquire our distinct national identities. The commonly held misconception is that this demerger, this irretrievable breakdown, would most favour the "plucky" Scots. Rumours abound that those in control of an independent Scotland would be Edinburgh advocates and Glaswegian drug dealers forming the most beautiful of self-fulfilling prophecies.
The harsh, unpalatable truth is that the English would be the beneficiaries of a broken Union; and not for the reasons you might think.
The Scots have always been fiercely independent. Ask the Romans. While they rolled their franchise out across Asia and middle Europe, they never quite managed to tame the Scots. Not even the Romans, with their military brilliance, smart, coordinated uniforms and innovative tortoise fighting strategy, could extend their sphere of influence much beyond Selkirk. And if you've been to Selkirk, you'd understand why. So fearful were they of the Scots that they had a chap called Hadrian build a wall to keep us out. I ask the Geordies and Mancs to review their historical "hardness" in the light of such compelling evidence - the peoples of Newcastle and Manchester were conquered and to this day remain wall-free.
To misquote Donald Rumsfeld, there are known knowns and known unknowns. (There are also known gnomes, on which there is an essay in my book on the rise of horticultural nationalism.) The known known of Scotland is that we have never suffered a crisis of identity within our own roughly defined borders; we were always clear about who we were and who we are. Undoubtedly, we have Mel Gibson to thank for clarifying some of the historical minutiae of our story and for reminding us of how our accent is meant to sound.
Our known unknown was our self-determined future. It was the "who we might be" that was always our great conundrum. Our crisis has always been externally vented in the direction of our elder neighbouring sibling, England. (As the second child in a family of three brothers, I know only too well the put-upon nature of the younger, more able and better-looking child. I think of England very much like I think of my elder brother Raj, the key differences being that England has significantly more fragrant socks.)
We Scots spent hours, days, weeks, months and years blaming our every national inadequacy or failure on the bloody English. But, much as the English have plenty to answer for, they can't be blamed for everything. I know; I've tried. Since devolution, we have started to wean ourselves off that lack of self-determination and have started to take control of our own destiny. We have started realising that some of the stuff wrong with Scotland is because of the Scots. It's strangely refreshing to know that the Scots are as capable of political incompetence as the English: your dome/our parliament. It's equally comforting to know that we muck up our sport stars, too: England's World Cup 2006/Scotland Ladies' Curling since 2002. Culturally, we manage to hit the same barrel-scraping lows: Steps/Darius Danesh.
The thing is, the English need to find themselves. Short of chartering half a million flights to India and providing beads, kaftans and incense sticks, the only way this English self-awareness will start is if it is left alone to get on with it. I like the English. They are generally good people. Apart from the ones on Celebrity Big Brother. I think the English deserve to find themselves, to define themselves. The rise of the far right in England is not because the English are uniquely racist within the gathering of nations that we call the British Isles. It is because the English have for so long welcomed and absorbed other nations and races, and in doing so have lost sight of themselves. They struggle to know who they are. Obviously there is much more to being English than Jade Goody and queueing but nobody seems to be able to describe it, not in any sort of coherent way that can't be set to the tune of a football chant.
Whether we like it or not, the future of the Union lies in the hands of the people. While the English have no suffrage option to express their will to be independent, the Scots do. And many think they will. The irony of all ironies is that a Union decided by a king will be undone by the people. And England will gain its independence by default. And this time it won't be a miscarriage of justice. Unlike Jonny Wilkinson's try on Saturday.
· Hardeep Singh Kohli is a writer and comedian from Glasgow.
· This week Hardeep lost £120 playing poker and a tenner playing Scrabble (to an American) while wearing his new Nick Love suit: "Gutted." Hardeep ate a plate of duck on rice in Swiss Cottage: "Possibly the finest London has to offer." Hardeep shared a car from Henley with a hung-over comedy producer who lost his chimney in the recent storms: "No wonder he was drinking."
This column is part of a G2 special on the state of the union.