AN aeroplane falls from the sky and of the hundreds of crew and passengers, only a few survive. Obviously the survivors feel lucky to be alive; every day they thank their lucky stars that they sat in the back row. Whilst there is a feeling of relief, many people also have other feelings which are not as easy to understand.
People who survive ask themselves the question, “Why me?”
Survivors’ guilt is the guilt a person feels for surviving a traumatic event while others did not do so. The event may not include death, but will include a threat to life. The term survivors’ guilt was first identified in the 1960s and referred to Holocaust survivors.
The traumatic event can be anything but typical events would include: wars, natural disasters, suicide in the family, terrorism, air crash, job layoffs, illnesses that most people die of, accidents, sibling death or the death of a child. The important issue is that the event is traumatic, frightening, even horrific and with people’s life or existence at stake.
Though it usually arises when the survivor is involved in the incident, similar feelings may arise if the person sees the event though not personally at risk. There are examples of emergency services personnel who attended the twin towers in New York on 9/11. Some of these people were not at risk themselves but felt survivors’ guilt nevertheless. They felt guilty because they did not do more; they felt it was not enough.
Survivors’ guilt appears to be about three factors:
1 Guilt about being alive when others are not.
2 Guilt about what they did not do to help.
3 Guilt about what they did do to escape.
The third above was illustrated when the MS Herald of Free Enterprise sank and 60% of survivors reported survivors’ guilt; many of them because they survived by scrambling over other people.
It is interesting to note how survivors’ guilt is very similar to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In fact survivors’ guilt has been removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders version IV and now classified as PTSD. With both conditions, the following symptoms are evident: Fear, terror, helplessness , reliving the event Dreams, avoidance Detachment, increased emotional arousal flashbacks, distress,
It is also interesting that bereavement has similar symptoms. Where a death has been sudden or traumatic, or where it involves the death of a child or very close relative, the family often feel guilt. The bereaved often ask if there was something more that they could have done.
A fairly well known char-
At the end of the film, Saving Private Ryan, Captain Miller lay dying and said to Private Ryan who he and his team had managed to save, “Earn this. Earn it”. The scene then changes to Private Ryan late in his life when he visits the grave of Captain Miller. Ryan turns to his wife and pleads, “Tell me I led a good life. Tell me I’m a good man.” The movie is actually based on the Niland brothers, and is partially true.
Therapy for survivors’ guilt is based on using logic to retrain the unconscious mind to think in a new way. Instead of feeling guilt, which is a very demanding and destructive emotion, the mind is taught a new thought process which enables the person to move on. Typically, the following messages are introduced to the unconscious mind:
There was no magic to your survival.
There was no divine intervention.
There was no universal plan that you must uncover.
It just happened that some survived and one was you.
There is no need to devote yourself to some cause to pay back. There is no one to thank. There is no one to whom you must apologise.
The problem with this condition is that the unconscious mind likes to see order in things. It looks for a balance which is why many survivors go on to do chartable work. The survivor feels a great need to repay but cannot see how to do so. They also feel that they do not deserve their life and may go on to commit suicide. In essence they need to know “Why Me” and cannot find an answer.
When someone survives a traumatic event, it is important that the unconscious mind is given encouragement to stop replaying the event, to stop looking for reasons for why it all happened. Many issues in life are so complicated that the simple answer that the mind is seeking can never be found. Unless the mind can agree to “let go” then the flashbacks, reliving and guilt will go on. For more information call Grahame on 96 678 6810 or visit the website www.San-Luis-Clinic.co.uk