Your child may be especially curious about the mysteries of baby making if you or someone else close to your child is expecting. Or her curiosity might be piqued by conversations with older siblings or friends at school.
Depending on what she's heard from others – some of which may be confusing or contradictory – she may be trying to sort out how the baby gets inside the mother, what the baby is doing in there, and how the baby gets out.
On the other hand, some older children may show little curiosity about the subject, even if you're in your third trimester. If you are pregnant, try not to take your child's lack of interest personally: Some children this age want to know a lot and some are simply not yet interested.
Follow your child's lead.
Answer questions as they come up and keep explanations simple. Most children don't need detailed information about the complex realities of conception, gestation, and birth.
"Wait until your child asks you," says Robert Walrath, a child psychologist at the Center for Educational and Psychological Assessment in Manchester, New Hampshire. "If children are not asking, it's not important to them."
When your child does ask, you want to have a healthy, open conversation and provide some basic information, says Susan Lipkins, a private practice child psychologist in Port Washington, New York. "As your child grows and becomes more emotionally capable, then you can go into more detail."
Ask, then tell.
Make sure you understand what your child is really asking. Linda Eyre, coauthor of How to Talk With Your Child About Sex, tells a story about a boy who asked his mother where he came from. Thinking he wanted to know about the facts of life, she sat down with him and told him everything. Then the boy told her that he was just wondering where they lived before they moved into their new house.
To avoid a misunderstanding, respond to your child's questions by asking: "What do you think?" Many children spin elaborate fantasies about how babies are created. First get a handle on what your child is thinking. Then you can use that as a launching point for a more helpful discussion.
Use the correct language.
You can avoid confusion by using accurate terms for body parts. For example, telling a child that the baby grows inside the mother's tummy can be confusing, since that's where food goes. Instead, tell your child the baby grows in a special place inside the woman called the "womb" or "uterus."
And if you say that the father's seed grows inside the mother, the child may picture an apple seed growing into a tree inside a woman's body. Instead, you can explain that the father's sperm swim out of his body and into the mother's womb.
Tell a story.
Make your explanation into a story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end, says Lipkins. You can follow the usual plotline: The father and mother make a baby, the baby grows inside the mother's womb, and the baby comes out when he's ready.
This helps children understand that creating and growing a baby is a process that happens over time. If you're pregnant, this will also reassure your child that your pregnancy is temporary and that, when the baby grows big enough in your womb, it will come out and your child will have a sibling.
Easier said than done. If you find yourself starting to get embarrassed, remember that you're just talking about a normal part of life. This information may not be "charged" for your child the way it is for adults.
On the other hand, depending on how sophisticated your child is, she may be embarrassed as well. In any case, try to be casual and straightforward in your explanations. If you show discomfort, your child may get the feeling that there's something shameful about what you're saying.