During the pandemic, families have entered into close quarters with one another. Yet, in some ways, we are more disconnected than ever. With virtual learning, living rooms turned into home offices, and countless distractions for parents and children alike, connecting can prove to be a challenge. Here are 3 parenting strategies that can help you form a closer connection with your child.
Validate their Feelings
When your child expresses their perspective, it’s essential to listen and acknowledge their feelings. Acknowledging their feelings and perspective doesn’t mean that you always agree with them or give them their way. Instead, it’s taking the time to understand what they are going through and how it impacts them. Merely listening and affirming their experience can help to bring you closer together.
Picture this; your child says, “I’m so worried about my upcoming science presentation.” You may be perplexed by this because they always do well in science. Or, perhaps you wonder why they aren’t spending more time on the assignment if they feel worried. While you may be thinking these things or wanting to jump in with advice, pausing to validate your child’s feelings will go a long way. Repeating what you heard them express can help your child see that you hear what they are saying. Changing your reaction from: “Don’t be silly, you always do well in science!” To: “It sounds like you’re worried about your presentation. It seems like it’s important to you,” can help send the message that you hear how they’re feeling loud and clear.
Bonus: Validating their feelings, rather than dismissing them or challenging them, may encourage your child to offer up more details about the situation and come to you with future concerns.
Offer Specific Praise
Catch your child being good! When your praise is specific and comes immediately following or within the same day as your child’s behavior, it is even more meaningful. Explicit recognition shows your child that you see the hard work that they are putting in. Rather than saying “Good job,” provide more detail, for example, “I like how you sat down right after school and got your homework done this afternoon,” or “Thank you for taking such good care of the dog by taking her on a walk in the rain this morning.” Not only can specific praise help your child feel good about their choice this time, but it can also help reinforce similar behavior next time.
Set Aside Distractions to Make Quality Time Together Count
Our kids are paying attention to what we do and how we do it! In order to model the type of relationship that you would like to have with your child, you may need to shut down the screens and set aside other distractions as well. Be intentional with how you interact with your child to show them that connecting is a priority. Intentionality may mean putting your phone away while engaging in conversations with your child or taking a seat as your child shares the highs and lows of their day, despite competing chores and responsibilities calling your name. Baking together, playing a game, or watching a family movie, with other distractions set aside, will be a lot of fun and create an opportunity to fill everyone’s cup with meaningful connection.
To my middle school aged-daughters, who I consulted for this blog post, you were kind to offer input without pointing out the times that I fall short in each of these areas. For those times, I am very sorry! It’s a work in progress for all of us!