In part one we looked at your brains reaction to conflict and in this part, we will look at keeping your cool when faced with conflict with some tips to help when you may find yourself on the cusp of conflict.
Calm your brain during conflict.
Take a Deep Breath
The capacity to remain relaxed and focused in tense situations is a vital aspect of conflict resolution and one of the best ways to quickly relive stress is to practice deep breathing.
How: Smooth, rhythmic breathing will stop the production of cortisol and adrenaline.
Focus on Your Body
Concentrate on the physical sensations that arise in your body in order to begin to mindfully change them; actively neutralise your posture, relax your shoulders and open your hands.
How: Appearing open through your body language will help diffuse confrontation.
The only way to really settle disputes is to listen carefully to what is being said. If you are only paying attention in order to retaliate, then you aren’t really listening at all; strong feelings make it impossible for us to really listen. If others feel listened to they are more likely to try to understand you.
How: Truly listening to someone will help diffuse their anger and allow you to really understand the problem.
Use open ended questions to avoid making the other person defensive. If you want to avoid argumentative responses, it is best to ask them questions that invite them to speak honestly. If others feel listened to they are more likely to try to understand you. It is rare for people to feel truly listened to and still experience the conflict as negative. Be aware of your internal barriers to really listening, such as thinking you are right and strong feelings about the subject matter.
How: This questioning style lets them know you want to be able to figure out some facts in order to reach a solution.
Consciously Lower Your Voice
Although it is often to raise your voice, shouting will only make you – and the other person – angrier. Additionally, when a person heartbeat exceeds 100 BPM, they are not able to fully understand what is being said.
How: Lowering your voice will automatically instil a sense of calm.
If your most important goal is to win, blame or change the other party, the conflict will probably escalate, no matter what skills you use. If you are not able to reach an agreement, be willing to agree to disagree, if a conflict is going nowhere you can chose to disengage and move on.
How: Because it takes two people to keep a disagreement going, you will do better to exit the confrontation if a resolution cannot be reached.
Of course, not every confrontation can or will end positively. But by following these techniques, you will be able to deal with conflict rather than avoid it, and all without losing your head!
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) gives people clarity and can assist in increasing self-awareness, communications, change and conflict resolution. Understanding your own personality and that of the people you work with can provide great insight into how conflict situations arise and how they can be dealt with constructively. It enables people to quickly recognise their default conflict-handling style and learn how to adapt to different types of conflict. Using the MBTI can help achieve positive results from conflict, such as better decisions and more creative thinking.
Get in touch now to see how you can use the MBTI instrument to understand your own personality and/or that of your team.