Thanks to one of our newly-recruited clandestine operatives, we learned about today’s letter-to-the-editor. It appears in the Redding Record Searchlight of Redding, California. The letter is titled Teaching evolution in class is creepy. It’s creepy? Who could resist a letter like that?
We’ll give you a few excerpts, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, and some bold font for emphasis. As we usually do we’ll omit the writer’s name and city. The thing begins by saying that it’s in response to an earlier letter written by Ken Archuleta: Creationism still creeping into biology class.
Archuleta’s letter was excellent, and we assume that’s where today’s letter-writer got the word “creepy” that he used in his title. As we proceed, we think you’ll find a lot of creepiness. Okay, here we go:
Ken Archuleta’s biology teaches that dinosaur scales evolved to bird feathers. Their massive thick bones evolved to light hollow bird bones, that bag-like animal lungs turned to bird lungs and that snouts turned into horny beaks.
Yes, the fossil record shows that about feathers. As for the rest of what “biology teaches,” the huge dinosaurs didn’t morph into parakeets; they probably just went extinct. Birds evolved from much smaller dinos. The letter-writer seems to have a problem getting the concepts clear in his mind, and he makes that explicit in his next paragraph:
The above fairy tale is like believing a train locomotive turned into a Piper Cub.
That’s a peculiar variation of Hoyle’s fallacy (tornado in a junkyard), because the letter-writer isn’t denying that new and complicated things can develop, but that once developed they can’t change. Anyway, he’s just getting warmed up:
Evolutionary biologists teach that dairy cows waded into a shallow bay and evolved into whales. That story takes a lot of faith; it sure would creep out moose, which love to wade.
Yup! That’s exactly what biologists teach. Dairy farmers have to keep their animals out of the water or they’ll turn into whales. Okay, having convinced us that he understands the theory of evolution, the letter-writer starts discussing Charles Darwin — the most evil man in the history of the galaxy:
Even Darwin thought it absurd that the eye, with all its astounding attributes and connections, could ever evolve by natural selection. Yet all creatures have two! Miracle.
Hey — he’s right. We don’t have just one miraculous eye, we have two! Oh, as for what Darwin actually wrote, see Evolution of the Eye. Let’s read on:
If Archuleta [the earlier letter-writer] has any real scientific proof of a species turning into another higher-developed species, he may collect $250,000 from drdino.com.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! He’s talking about Kent Hovind’s $250,000 Offer. We haven’t seen that mentioned for years — not since Hovind went to the slammer. The letter continues:
However, evolution can be seen in politics and history. Our highly moral Christian Founding Fathers demanded freedom from the dictator’s whip because King Jesus demanded, thou shalt not steal, covet or murder.
Ah, so that’s what the American Revolution was all about. Here’s more:
Alas, the Founders’ guiding spirit is gone from the church.
Yes! What we need now is great churchmen like Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin. Moving along:
In its place is dreamy gnosticism and cop-out rapturism. The resulting vacuum evolved Darwinism — survival of the most evil — Nietzsche-ism, Nazism, Marxism, Islamism, resulting in suffering, torture and death for billions, and far more in this new century.
Darwin was responsible for Islam! We didn’t know that. Here’s another excerpt:
Thanks to U.N. gangsters humanity will be reduced to a primordial pit of slime. Now that’s real evolution; the environmentalists and biologists will love it.
That’s the first time we’ve seen the United Nations mentioned in a creationist letter. That outfit is Darwin’s fault too. And now we come to the end:
Greed, envy and pride rule the hearts of men, but God rules the world.
We’re not sure if the letter-writer is blaming Darwin for greed, envy, and pride, but he probably is. This has been quite a letter. Creepy indeed.
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