There is an accepted idea that a man and a woman become “one” when they marry. This “oneness” occurs through the sexual union and through the societal belief that oneness is the product of marriage. In reality, oneness never occurs. Moving in parallel can occur. Clinging to one another can occur. Adapting to one another can occur.
People cannot become one. Each person is a distinct entity with a body designed to prevent intrusion. The partner can come close, but can never enter. The idea of oneness sells fantasy, not reality. The idea of oneness fuels failure, disappointment, and impossible-to-reach expectations. The reality of oneness is “2-ness”. Each person is whole; each person is part of the equation.
Rather than expect to conjoin, people must learn to merge. Merge can mean to combine but that meaning leads back to oneness. Merge also means to meet and join. Like merging traffic. Like sea and sand. They come together but stay in their own form. Merging means finding a way to be together without creating chaos. Merging means giving way or staying firm as needed. Merging means keeping intact while accepting differentness. 2-ness, two-ness, too-ness.
Thank you to Karen Kozek for photo and arrangement.