The Tulare County District Attorney's Office provides and excellent information pamphlet regarding Domestic Violence. The Information is reprinted in part below:
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence and emotional abuse are behavior used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may b married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.
violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.) sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional abuse is not a criminal behavior, it is a form of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.
Domestic violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs.
ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM!
Victims can be any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused/or neglected. Most children in the homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavioral problems.
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
The cycle can happen hundred of times in an abusive relationship. Each state lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.
It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'clam ' stages disappear.
* Any type of abuse occurs (physical/ sexual/emotional)
* Abuser starts to get angry
* There is a breakdown of communication
* Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
* Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'
* Abuser may apologize for abuse and promise it won't happen again.
* Abuser may b lame the victim
* Deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims.
* Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
* Promises made during 'making-up; may be met
* Victim may hope that the abuse is over
* Abuser may give gifts to the victim
WARNING SIGNS AND OTHER TYPES OF ABUSE
* Using Coercion and Threats
* Making or carrying out threats of harm
* Threatening to leave or commit suicide
* Threatening to report her to welfare, police or immigration
* Making her drop criminal charges
* making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
* Smashing things, destroying her property
* Abusing Pets
* Displaying weapons
* Preventing the victim from working
* Making her ask for money or taking her money
* Not allowing victim access to family income
USING THE CHILDREN
* Using visitation or custody to control her
* Threatening to take the children away
* Putting her down, humiliating her, name-calling
* Making her think she's crazy
* Controlling what she does, who she sees, and who she talks to
* Monitoring phone calls, internet use, clothing and make-up
* Hiding the car keys so she can't leave, taking cell phone away
MINIMIZING, DENYING AND BLAMING
* Saying the abuse didn't happen or making light of it
* Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
THE FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
* 1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence
* A woman is abused every nine seconds in this country
* Victims and their abusers come from all cultures, races, occupations and income levels
* Victims of domestic violence often feel isolated, powerless, fearful, guilty and dependent financially and/or physically upon their abusers. They feel trapped and unable to help themselves.
* Abused women are more likely to suffer miscarriages and to give birth to babies with low birth weights.
* 30%-60% of those that frequently assault their partners also abuse their children.
* More than three million children each year in this county* witness the brutal victimization of a parent at the hands of an intimate partner. (*This was taken directly from the pamphlet provided by Tulare County DA office. However, the figure of 3,000,000 children would appear to several times the population of Tulare County, therefore one may speculate if that is supposed to read "country" rather than "county" on the pamphlet)
* Children who learn violence at home are at high risk to continue the violence in their adult relationships. either as abusers or as victims.
* Witnessing domestic violence is a predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality.
* Research shows that there is a strong correlation between animal cruelty and domestic violence. Pets are abused to elicit power and control and create fear.
* 15% of domestic violence victims are men, 85% are women.
A PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS
1. I have the right to privacy and time to myself
2. I have the right to my own opinions, ideas, and beliefs.
3. I have the right to feel anger and express it in responsible ways.
4. I have the right to SAY NO without feeling guilty.
5. I have the right to ask for what I would like in my life.
6. I have the right to be strong and competent and to show it.
7. I have the right to disagree with others, and others have the right to disagree with me.
8. I do not have to be perfect. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
9. I do not have to accept "put downs" or other condescending, patronizing remarks.
10. It's okay to accept compliments without discounting the compliment or the giver.
11. I can accept myself as benign okay even when others criticize me.
12. I have a right to be listened to, and to be heard when I express myself.
14. I have a right to say "I don't know" and "I don't understand."
15. I have the right to ask questions, and to seek information when I don't know or don't understand.
16. I have the right to feel good.
17. I have the right to offer constructive criticism to others and they to me.
18. I do not have to be approved of, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.