The definition of embarrass is, “to cause confusion and shame to; make uncomfortably self-conscious; disconcert; abash.” (dictionary.com)
Awful right? No one likes to be embarrassed. Many of us can remember the most embarrassing moments of our lives. Often these moments were caused by someone else or perhaps even ourselves.
Some of these are smaller things like mispronouncing someone’s name or forgetting your thoughts in the middle of a conversation. Other embarrassments may have been bigger such as tripping on stage in front of hundreds of people or someone saying bad things about you in front of others.
Some of these embarrassments will happen regardless of what we do. However, some are preventable such as the embarrassments that we, as parents, sometimes cause our children. The most common of these falls into one of 3 categories:
1) Yelling at them in public – I can understand that children will sometimes test your patience. Sometimes we have already had a bad day and the kids are begging for things, in the grocery store, that you have already said no about.
We have to be conscious not to take any harbored frustration out on our children. We also have to be conscious of setting proper expectations with them so they are not giving you reasons to want to yell at them in front of the “whole world.”
2) Making them perform on the spot for your company – How many times have you attended someone’s dinner party or other event in their home and the children are forced to perform on the spot? Now, if your child loves to perform, this does not apply to you. Or, if the performance was pre-planned, then this would not apply.
This is more so in regards to the times when we are using our children to prove to our friends that our kids have talent. So, we call them out of their rooms and advise them to dance, sing, tell jokes, or showcase some other skill, against their will. Yes, it is our job as parents to encourage our children to use their talents. However, the environment for this should not be one where your child will leave feeling traumatized.
3) Showing up to their school with a shabby appearance – I could write an entirely separate article on this one. This issue is NOT about money and designer clothes. This is about much simpler things like wearing something that matches, ironing your clothes, and making sure your hair does not look like you just rolled out of bed.
Another issue is when moms show up to the school dressed in risky outfits that scream “I am a desperate housewife and I need to be validated.” If you are not concerned with your appearance for yourself, then at least be concerned for your child. No child wants to be known at their school as the kid with the raggedy looking mom or dad or the “desperate” mom. To think that children do not notice or talk about these things is naive.
The bottom line is even though we are the parents and they are the children, they are people too. They have feelings and we should be conscious of our behaviors and how they affect them. There is a balance between making sure our children know we are in charge, and being respectful of them as people.
It is up to us to find that balance. We have to make sure to teach them right from wrong and hold them accountable to right things. A major part of this is setting a great example, and not doing things that will harm our relationship with them.