The Consumer Product Safety Commission has just announced the results of a study which shows that walking and running pose serious health risks to children.
According to Dimwit Dufas, Ph.D. of the CPSC, 85% of accidents to children happen when they are walking or running.
In order to prevent these serious accidents and injuries, the CPSC has announced the following changes in their rules and regulations:
Running is no longer allowed for children, as running accounted for 50% of the accidents and injuries for children.
Dr. Dufas stated, "We MUST control this dangerous activity. Running has been shown to have a direct correlation with the degree of injury, with faster running causing more serious injuries."
Therefore, the CPSC recommends that:
1. All states pass laws against children running.
2. All childrren who do run, even in violation of the proposed state laws, must wear a "running helmet."
3. All sticks and stones on any path or place where children might run illegally must be removed, as a frequent cause of children's running accidents are sticks and stones in their path.
In regards to walking, Dr. Dufas stated the recommendations are:
1. Walking must be reduced to moving between place to place only WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to accomplish the goal of basic living requirements. For example, it will be allowed to walk between the bed and the toilet, or the toilet and the eating area. Other, extraneous walking, such as unnecessary walking to go in front of the house to meet a friend should be absolutely prohibited.
2. When walking, children should wear a "Walking Helmet" and if walking in violation of the proposed laws, should wear a "walking protective suit" consisting of a highly padded suit designed to minimize impact injuries.
3. All obstacles that might cause a fall whle walking, either legally or illegally, must be removed, such as sticks and stones.
Dr. Dufas announced that the next study of the CPSC will be on the dangers of eating, including the use of dangerous forks and knives. He stated with pride that the CPSC has already let a $1,500,000 award to devise a safer eating instrument, which he said might be called a "spoon."
Have fun, guys and gals. It is on the way!!