By SARA CONRAD
The stereotypical bully is a large boy who uses his size and physical presence to intimidate and cow his victims. But the kind of bullying that girls do can be just as traumatic and needs to be taken just as seriously by adults, experts say.
Eleven-year-old Julianna Peery knows all about that. From the third grade on, Peery says she was often ostracized and verbally bullied in elementary school.
"They tell me that I'm ugly and fat and not pretty," Peery said, adding that kids would call her names, often using vulgar slurs not usually aimed at children.
Carol Wintle, a licensed mental health counselor and author of "Empowering Children to Help Stop Bullying at School," which is scheduled to be released next month, says that girls are more likely to use indirect and subtle ways to bully than boys.
Wintle says these more indirect behaviors include gossip, rumors, lies, dirty looks, talking behind another girl's back, giving a girl the silent treatment and excluding a girl from a group or activity. Wintle also says that girls tend to bully girls. The reason? "A relationship is terribly important to girls and the loss of a relationship can be devastating," she says.
Girls can gain and lose power through relationships. If a girl is trying to get an upper hand, she might do so by trying to take another girl's friends or boyfriend away, explains Wintle.
Juanita Forman, the outreach coordinator for the Girls, Inc. Jacksonville, a nonprofit youth organization, has seen this kind of bullying in her work and up close, when her granddaughter became a target. She says that in today's world, bullying goes beyond the schoolyard. Social media, such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace, has given bullies another weapon in their arsenal. Her granddaughter had to close her social media accounts because the bullying was "getting out of hand." By taking it to the Internet, Forman says, children can more easily spread rumors and gossip about the victim.
And the Internet seems to particularly appeal to girls who bully.
"More girls than you would expect use cyberbullying because they think they won't get caught or lose their status in the eyes of adults," says Wintle. "If they have built up feelings of anger they can be tempted to act mean in chat rooms ... where no one knows who they really are."
Girls are more likely to use cyberbullying than boys because of traditional gender roles and expectations that are "impossible to reach," Wintle says. Traditionally, girls are taught they should "be good, perfect and attractive," she says. "They can still appear good to adults, while acting mean in a sneaky way."
But they are not to be underestimated. Girls are highly intelligent when it comes to social rank and how they are perceived by others. For instance, Wintle says that "[Girls] may seek to secure a high status rank for themselves by making others look bad so they can look good in comparison."
On the other hand, Wintle notes that boys have other expectations: to be physically active and tough, making it easier and more socially acceptable to use physical means to bully another child. But, Wintle adds, boys still use name-calling more often than physical bullying.
So while teachers and parents might be looking for signs of physical bullying, it is important to know the signs of verbal and psychological bullying because it can be just as damaging.
Last year, Florida passed into law the Jeffrey Johnston Stand up for All Students Act, named after Jeffrey Johnston from Cape Coral, who committed suicide after being repeatedly bullied at school.
All schools in Florida are now required to have a policy against bullying. Schools are required to report all instances of bullying and to notify both the parents of the victim and the bully. They are also required to provide education on bullying for teachers and students.
The Duval County School District has adopted two anti-bullying programs, Foundations and Second Step Violence Prevention Program, to help educate students about bullying and what behaviors will be classified as bullying. Teachers have also been trained.
Once a bullying incident is reported by a parent, student or teacher to school administration, the school investigates by asking both the accused bully and alleged victim questions, and contacts both of the students' parents, says Kathleen Bowles, Supervisor of Safe and Healthy Schools.
Unfortunately, according to Michele Borba, counselor and author of "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions," most bullying takes place in cyberspace, and bullying that does not occur on school campuses is not covered by school policies. In other words, before and after school, parents are on their own in dealing with bully behavior.
Complicating it even further, children are reluctant to tell their parents when they are being bullied because they fear their Internet privileges will be taken away or that if the bully is confronted, the bullying will get worse.
So how can parents protect their children from bullying? Read on for tips from Borba to identify whether your child is a bully or is being bullied.
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