“I’m sorry if you felt offended by what I said” is not an apology. “I hope you weren’t offended” isn’t one either. “I’m sorry you took what I said the wrong way”? Nope, still not an apology.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful in what I was saying. I did misspeak, and I apologize for that.” That’s an apology.
How do I know the difference? I said the second paragraph to someone today, because I did something I shouldn’t have done and I said something VERY incorrectly. It was my fault, even if unintentional. The first paragraph were all things said to me today, and it didn’t feel sincere when they were apologizing for how I might have felt instead of what they said/did.
When you are apologizing to someone, you cannot simply apologizing for their feeling a certain way or their taking something wrong. You can only apologize for what YOU said and/or did to that person. Saying you’re sorry they didn’t like what you said is ridiculous and, more than likely, untrue. Saying you wish you hadn’t said something a certain way is more effective (and hopefully true).
I did and said something today that, while intentional, was wrong. In honesty, if I had thought about it more, I would probably have done some things differently (although I probably still would have said what I did as I did, unknowing of someone else’s feelings until after I said it).
Why do so many people think something such as “I’m sorry your arm hurt when I punched you” or “I’m sorry your nose wasn’t strong enough to take that punch I threw” are apologies when it applies to feelings? Take responsibility for the fact that you misspoke or didn’t think long enough about what you were saying/doing and apologize for that.
I’ll probably have another apology to make (to a student) tomorrow. I am truly sorry for doing something that could be upsetting to her (although I hope not). I’m not sorry for how she feels, although I am regretful of my part in her feelings and I’ll own up to that.
Why is that so hard to understand these days?