Q: My 12-year-old granddaughter is being bullied daily by a group of girls at her middle school. She has been hit in the face, pushed into lockers and tripped. Today, they threatened that they were going to beat her up. I have notified the school administrators, but they are minimizing the incidents. What does your panel suggest I do to protect her?
A: When a child is being bullied, get as many adults as possible involved, says the Help for Families panel.
Schedule a meeting with the school and include teachers, the guidance counselor, principal and any other concerned adults, panelist Chad Stefanyak says.
You might even consider involving the police.
"Schools are often very limited as to what they can do," he says. "For some bullies, an out-of-school suspension might have them cheering."
Because schools can only do so much, families sometimes perceive that the school isn't doing anything, panelist Bill Vogler says.
"Teachers can't be there every minute of every day," he says. "Good communication with the school is critical. You need to approach the school as a partner to help and solve problems. Don't go to school loaded for bear."
If you don't feel you are getting results, you can go even further such as to the school board, panelist Pam Wallace says.
Talk to her and find out what happened says panelist Joanne Nigito-Raftas. She may need counseling to help her deal with this.
"When children are bullied, it is usually because they are an easy target," she says.
It's important that you believe her and acknowledge her fears, adds panelist Michael Daniels.
Pennsylvania law says every school district is mandated to have anti-bullying policy. Learn what your school's policy is and work with the school to make your child safe.
Today with social media, bullying can be even more complicated, Stefanyak says.
Be careful that your own perception isn't skewed, the panel says. People bully for a reasons and the bullies also are entitled to an education.
"Often they don't feel good about themselves and have to overpower another kids to feel good," Nigito-Raftas says. "A group scenario is very hard to correct with only one piece but there are things we can do to help the victim."
But don't wait; it won't go away, Stefanyak says. "Middle school is an extraordinarily difficult time socially," he says.
You need to build resiliency in your daughter and get her connected to activities that will help build her self confidence, says panelist Denise Continenza.
"You can also get legal help if you have to go to that level," she adds. "Some school do minimize this type of thing."
Your daughter does need support, Vogler says. "Perpetrators look for weak victims who won't stand their ground," he says. "She needs to heal from this trauma and build herself up to a stronger place."
The bottom line is she shouldn't have to be bullied, the panel agrees.
TIPS FOR WHEN A CHILD IS BULLIED
•Get as many adults as possible involved.
•Schedule a meeting with the school and include teachers, the guidance counselor and principal.
•Consider involving the police.
•Approach the school as a partner to help and solve problems.
•If you don't feel you are getting results, you can go even further such as to the school board.
•Build resiliency in the victim and get her involved in activities that will help build her self confidence.
THE TOPIC TEAM
Parenting experts and guest panelists who helped this week.
Denise Continenza, family living specialist for Penn State's Lehigh County Cooperative Extension, South Whitehall Township.
Pam Wallace, program coordinator for Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House.
Chad Stefanyak, school psychologist, Lehigh County.
Bill Vogler, executive director of Family Answers, Allentown.
Michael Daniels, adolescent and attachment therapist, Bethlehem.
Help for Families is a collaboration between The Morning Call and parenting professionals brought together by Valley Youth House's Project Child.