The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have ~ Woody Allen
Do you know how to make yourself feel good? Would you like to know how to feel happier when you are feeling stressed or down? It seems you are not alone.
Scientists believe that your brain has a built-in “negativity bias.” In other words, as we evolved over millions of years, dodging sticks and chasing carrots, it was a lot more important to notice, react to, and remember sticks than it was for carrots.
That’s because – in the tough environments in which our ancestors lived – if they missed out on a carrot, they usually had a shot at another one later on. But if they failed to avoid a stick – a predator, a natural hazard, or aggression from others of their species – WHAM, no more chances to pass on their genes.
The negativity bias shows up in lots of ways. For example, studies have found that:
- In a relationship, it typically takes five good interactions to make up for a single bad one.
- People will work much harder to avoid losing $100 than they will work to gain the same amount of money.
- Painful experiences are much more memorable than pleasurable ones.
In your own mind, what do you usually think about at the end of the day? The fifty things that went right, or the one that went wrong? Like the guy who cut you off in traffic, or the one thing on your To Do list that didn’t get done
In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. That shades “implicit memory” – your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood – in an increasingly negative direction.
And that’s just not fair, since probably most of the facts in your life are positive or neutral. The truth is that every day, lots of good things happen, such as a lovely sunset, someone is nice to you, you finish a batch of emails, or you learn something new.
Besides the sheer injustice of it, banking up a big pile of negative experiences in your memory banks naturally makes a person more anxious, irritable, and blue. Plus it makes it harder to be patient and giving toward others.
The result: a brain that is tilted against lasting contentment and fulfillment.
But you don’t have to accept this bias! By consciously tilting toward the good – “good” in the practical sense of that which brings more happiness to oneself and more helpfulness to others – you level the playing field.
Taking in the good is a proactive way to improve how you feel, get things done, and treat others.
It is among the top five personal growth methods I know. In addition to being good for adults, it’s great for children, helping them to become more resilient, confident, and happy.
Here’s how to take in the good – in four simple steps.
1. Look for good facts, and turn them into good experiences.
Good facts include positive events – like the taste of good coffee or getting an unexpected compliment – and positive aspects of the world and yourself. When you notice something good, let yourself feel good about it.
Do the acknowledgment exercise this at least a half dozen times a day.
2. Enrich and enjoy the experience.
Most of the time, a good experience is pretty mild, and that’s fine. Once you notice it simply focus in it and stay with it for 20 or 30 seconds in a row.
As you sense that it is filling your body, it is becoming a rich experience. The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory.
3. Absorb the experience into yourself.
People do this in different ways. Some feel it in their body like a warm glow spreading through their chest like the warmth of a cup of hot cocoa on a cold wintry day. Others visualize things like a golden syrup sinking down inside, bringing good feelings and soothing old places of hurt, filling in old holes of loss or yearning; a child might imagine a jewel going into a treasure chest in her heart. And some might simply know conceptually, that while this good experience is held in awareness, its neurons are firing busily away, and gradually wiring together.
4. Link positive and negative experiences, eventually replacing bad with good.
While you have a vivid and stable sense of a positive experience in the foreground of awareness, be aware if there’s something negative in the background. For instance, when you are feeling included and liked, imagine this experience making contact with past feelings of loneliness. Allow those positive feelings to overcome and absorb the related negative ones.
So now it’s your say.
Cultivating happiness very personal journey that differs from person to person. How has it been for you? What are the benefits you have noticed? What tips can you share with other? Do let us know.
As always, your interaction with our posts creates a reservoir of wisdom for all our readers to benefit from so please share your thoughts, stories and questions in the comments box below and remember to tweet, like and +1 ~ thanks
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