This week is rank advancement week at the Academy and we are ending the Discipline curriculum cycle! As an instructor, it is such a pleasure to see my students performing with confidence and feeling good about the skills they have developed during the training cycle.
More than the development in the physical skills though I am very proud of the growth the students have shown in their understanding and use of the Discipline life skill. I have heard very positive feedback from parents about students who are working to improve discipline at home and at school and our adult students have been working on improving use of discipline in everything from goal setting and weight loss to work/life balance.
The Life Skill for the next curriculum cycle is BELIEF. What is belief and why is it a necessary life skill? The simplest definition we use for our students is this: Belief is having a “yes I can” attitude. This can be expressed through a general positive attitude or expressed in the moment as we confront a new situation or task. In order to develop new skills, overcome challenges and lead the most fulfilling life possible we need to BELIEVE that we are capable and worthy!
In Martial Arts training the student is constantly challenged with new movements, more complex positions, the need for increased coordination, balance, speed and power. All too often, when confronted with something new, our first reaction is “I can’t do that!”. Whether this is something that is learned, or a part of our nature as humans it is incredible how much power these thoughts have over our resulting achievements.
How do we learn to give ourselves a different message? How do we encourage our children to TRY something without fear or judgement or anticipation of the outcome? How can we discipline ourselves to speak positively and not let negative self-talk take over?
Here are a few steps you can take to train the “yes I can” attitude in yourself and give you some behaviors to encourage in your children to help them develop the same!
- Choose your words carefully. Sometimes “I can’t” really just means “I don’t know HOW…yet.” The words I can’t are NOT allowed in my classes. Students learn quickly to change the words, which in turn changes the mindset. If you don’t know HOW you can LEARN, it is a process with steps that move you forward towards achievement. Can’t is a dead end. This rule of there is NO “I can’t” transferred from classes into our household and now my son catches himself and chooses other words to express frustration or challenge in a task.
- Be aware of the voice in your head! Do you have grace and patience with yourself? Positive self-talk is KEY to BELIEF in your abilities. I cannot stress how important this is. Personally, I struggle with this one, my own self-talk tends to be quite harsh and I continue to work on how to be more positive and catch myself when my self-talk turns negative. Try to be more aware of your self-talk, if you catch yourself in a negative cycle try to turn it positive immediately (see point 1! Choose your words!) If you have children, they are learning from your example. Do not allow them to speak negatively about themselves and do not let them hear you talking negatively about yourself.
- Find a cheerleader. This sounds silly, but you NEED people in your life who are your biggest fans. Someone who can always pull you out of slump and fill you up with positive energy and a fresh perspective. Then LET THEM DO THEIR JOB. Others sometimes see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Accept compliments, if others believe in you then YOU SHOULD BELIEVE IN YOU.
- BE someone’s Cheerleader. Being the positive spark in someone else’s life will flex those positive thinking muscles. Finding what is great about others and reminding them of those things will help you be able to spot what is great about YOU as well.
- Try NEW things! The more we challenge our abilities the more confidence we gain in ourselves and our abilities to deal with WHATEVER life might throw at us. It’s not just about taking a new class, or mastering a new recipe, or making a new friend, it’s about the knowledge that you can face any challenge with poise and positivity.
- Envision the desired outcome. I have a friend who is a practitioner of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and several years ago I was confronting a very challenging situation where I was literally worrying about EVERY possible negative detail. She sat me down and had me envision the perfect outcome of the situation, down to the last detail of how I would feel. This was a LIFE-CHANGING exercise for me. Now it is almost a reflex for me to envision the outcome I desire from any situation before I go into it. It puts me in the right mindset to stay positive throughout and do my best to make my desired outcome the reality. Try it…I can’t say enough about how powerful this technique can be!
Positivity and belief in ourselves can be very challenging, but we can train ourselves to control our thoughts and the messages we are sending to ourselves and others. I hope you have taken something from this article. Just ONE thing to focus on to bring a little more BELIEF and “Yes I Can!” attitude to life. The more we practice envisioning positive outcomes, having grace and patience with ourselves and understanding that everything is a process the more we realize that there really is no “I can’t”.