Here is a summary of the “Non-violent communication” process when a conflict arises between you and a student or you and anyone else for that matter. It in in 4 steps:
- Just observe the situation objectively
- Express your feelings/emotion: I feel + (emotion)
- Express your need(s): … because I want …
- Put your expectations into words and make sure the other person has understood while rephrasing your words
Example for each step:
- Don’t say to a student: “You’re lazy!” because it’s a judgement. Instead, say: “It’s been a month since you last handed in a homework.”
- Don’t say to the student: “I have the impression you’re not respecting me! I’m feeling angry. I’m sad to see so much wasted ability.” Instead, say: “I’m feeling anger and sadness too!”
- Don’t say to the student: “It makes me mad to see that you’re not handing in your homework!” because it’s not about guilt or rejection of the blame on the other person. Instead say: “I’m feeling anger when I see that you’re handing in your homework because I want you to succeed and fulfil your potential!”
- Here is a scenario of what a dialogue between a teacher and student could sound like:
“- I’d like you to do two more exercises for next time on top of the homework which are to be handed in. Can I count on you?
– Yes sir.
– So can you remind me what I’m expecting from you next time?
– … To hand in homework,
– And two more exercises. I imagine that you’ve understood.
– Yes and the two more exercises.”
To find out more, go to https://www.apprendreaapprendre.com/reussite_scolaire/communication-non-violente/
- Practise the 4 step non-violent communication steps when you are in a conflict with a student or anyone