1. If you delay acting on the urge until you have allowed some time to pass, it may recede and then be easier to resist.
2. The delay allows you time to think about what action you will take – an action in the direction of your values, or an action that is against the way you aspire to be.
3. Giving into an urge when it is at its peak will strengthen the brain pathways related to giving into this urge. Delaying may mean the tide has time to turn, and the urge has started to recede. So you are giving in when the urge has started to reduce, which will not reinforce the unhelpful behaviour as much as if you gave in at its peak.
The Five Minute Rule
Make a deal with yourself to wait five minutes and then re-evaluate the urge – you may find that the five minute wait is enough time for the tide to turn. A simple way to delay is to just ground yourself by connecting to your breath. Mindfully observe the in breath and the out breath for five minutes.
Shift brain systems
If you have an urge (e.g. to eat or work) your brain is using the “drive/reward” system to feel better. You can choose to shift the brain into an alternative way of self soothing by activating the “caring soothing system” involved in self-compassion. This shift can be started by putting a facial expression of kindness on your face, and visualising a compassionate figure talking you through (with a gentle voice) what to do. For more about this, see article on Compassion.
For a more comprehensive approach, use the P-E-A-C-E exercise to guide you. Making PEACE with your urges means you:
Allow the urge, with
Compassion for yourself, before choosing to
Engage with life enhancing actions.
The first four steps of PEACE will help you delay acting on the urge, so that when you take the final step of PEACE and do engage, your action is determined by your values and not your urges.
Follow this link for a free guided MP3 of the P-E-A-C-E Meditation Exercise.