Toxic seems to be one of the new buzzwords in the psychological world. Toxic relationships and Toxic masculinity; being two major topics being discussed in depth. More recently a new form of toxicity has come into play, one that may surprise a few, Toxic Positivity. If you are like me, at first this may confuse you. How can you be too positive? Continue reading to find out!
Toxic Positivity is defined as the push for a mental state in which we only experience and express positive emotions. This push is often unintentional and comes from a place of true care and concern. It is just a little misguided. Toxic positivity occurs most often when we are trying to show support for someone we are trying to help. A great example of this can be seen in Brene Brown’s video explaining the difference in sympathy vs. empathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw). The deer (or antelope) in this video is a great representation of Toxic Positivity in use. They mean well but they are not validating the fox’s emotional struggle. Instead, they are pushing the fox to see the bright side in all situations.
Now don’t get me wrong, I 100% believe in the power of positive thinking. However, that positivity often cannot come from an outside source. We first must validate our uncomfortable emotions (I also don’t believe emotions are negative, it is how we handle them that is positive or negative), only then can we reevaluate and reframe our thoughts into a more comforting one. If you are struggling with actualizing this concept, I suggest watching Inside Out. Spoiler Alert: this concept is the moral of the movie.
So you may have identified that you are guilty of toxic positivity, as so many of us are. What now? First, do not beat yourself up. Remember, the majority of the time this comes from good intentions. Our country as a whole doesn’t do the best with validating and coping with the uncomfortable emotions, especially grief. Largely due to the fact that as a whole, we as a society fear death, even though it is the only true known in our life. Next, refer back to the Brown video. The bear character in that video does a great job of modeling validation and emotional support to the fox. If you elect to not watch the video, below the chart that sparked the use of the term toxic positivity. It gives multiple examples of how we express toxic positivity and alternatives that you can try instead.